Citizens of Ontario, arise!
It's time for a "Beer Party" in this proud and sovereign province. Not the kind of beer party portrayed in the many imbecilic commercials rammed down our throats during these hockey playdowns by Molson and Labatt (the two headed monster of urine-y swill known as "Mol-batt"). Rather, something akin to the late Boston tea shindig. For decade upon decade, Ontarians (Ontarioans?) have been forced, through the very unholy alliance of government, Mol-batt and beer store employee unions, to buy their pilsners and ales only from the Beer Store (or, as formerly known in a happier long-ago time, "Brewer's Retail"). Owned primarily by the aforesaid Mol-batt, the Beer Store enjoys a near-complete monopoly on beer sales in the province, but for a small handful of micro-breweries which are allowed by the grace of the aforesaid unholy alliance to sell meager amounts of their craft to the proletariat.
The Quintonian recently had cause to visit Quebec, and noted the vast chasm separating the sister provinces on the subject of biere, vin et alcool. While La Belle Province has to work on some issues of its own, ya gotta give the frenchies kudos for their Gallic shrug when it comes to grown-up drink. You can buy beer and wine pretty much anywhere in Quebec-- even at newstands located in large government office complexes. And beer discounts are a regularity, with competing retailers offering deals to entice the alcoolique . Why, The Quintonian was even lucky enough to purchase a case of Coors Light for the low. low price of $22, and place it in the cart right next to the Humpty Dumpty croustillantes and 2 L Pepsi whilst traipsing down the aisles of the Provigo.
Compare this to Ontario, where a chump has to drive to some distant Beer Store outlet, with ever-shifting closing times, get hassled by various low-lifes milling around the parking lot, and then suffer the indignity of waiting twenty minutes to buy their twelve-pack of Wildcat Strong, only to be informed by the union goon behind the counter that they are all out, and also that the debit card machine isn't working. And that's not even when the poor chump has to bring back empties. In that case, increase the line-up time by another 20 minutes, at least, thanks to The Man's new laws mandating that liquor and wine bottles must be returned to the Beer Store, as well.
What interest is served by such a system? Surely it does not benefit the aforesaid chump, who gains no advantage in price or selection, and certainly not convenience, with the status quo. And not Mother Earth; the Beer Store's self-fellating regarding its environmental stewardship is patently ridiculous and insulting to one's intelligence. How does it help Mother Earth to have to drive 15 minutes to the nearest Beer Store? Especially when the nearest Beer Store turns out to be closed when you pull up, requiring you to drive another 15 miuntes to the next-nearest store that hopefully has extended hours.
I'll tell you whose interest the Beer Store's continued existence is in!
1. Obviously, Mol-batt's-- almost all beer can only be sold in stores they operate, which is obviously a huge detriment to any competitor hoping to break the monopolistic sleeper hold they have on the market.
2. And the union's-- no Beer Store means no more cool-guy unionized Beer Store employees chatting up the ladies while ill-bred hosers ransack cases of Bud Light in search of free t-shirts, and the line-up expands amid the odor of stale urine and cigarette smoke.
3. And The Man's-- freedom of beer sales would soon lead to calls to privatize the government's most beloved cash cow, the LCBO. This would ultimately reduce the revenue available for the aforesaid Man's sundry nanny state initiatives and prerogatives, which includes the maintenance of a large troupe of Alcohol and Gaming Commission performers.
Anyhow, what we are getting at is that the Beer Store is egregious corporate welfare run amok for far too long, whose existence is an affront to the cause of liberty and a free society. Etc.
